Confessions Of A Vagabond

Imani's paws padded noiselessly over the greenery of the Lowlands, she had adjusted to the change in ground in her time spent visiting Simba. She could hardly believe that it had been five months since the two had met and become such good friends, she had found herself visiting him as often as possible under the guise of teach him how to hunt and then just to visit with him. He'd showed her every inch of his home by now and she'd grown fond of the Lowlands, it had even given her a chance to check on the young cub Giza that she had met some time ago.

In all their time spent together she hadn't bothered to urge Simba to return back to his home but things had gotten only worse in the Pridelands and her heart ached for her siblings. She felt on one hand she had a duty to say something to him but on the other she knew that his past upset him and she didn't wish to bring him any pain. In fact all she wanted was happiness for him, she had realized what had happened in the past months, she had fallen in love with the Prince. She wanted to tell him but she feared he didn't feel the same, despite the way he acted towards her she could never be sure it was love that made him act the way he did.

The lioness frowned slightly but picked up her pace when she heard the sounds of water in the distance, a smile replaced her frown as eagerness eclipsed all doubts. Simba was just ahead, maybe today she would tell him. She pushed her way through the foliage to their usual meeting place to find she was the first to arrive and moved over to the pool of water that rested in the clearing, a small waterfall cascaded from above and she dipped her head near it to take a quick drink to quench her parched tongue. She even took a moment to examine her coat to make sure it was clean before her friend appeared, her blue eyes settling on the scar that marred her features sadly.

Sometimes she worried that the scar upset him, it was in the exact spot as his Uncles and she sometimes caught him staring at it when he thought she wasn't looking. She cursed her mother for making her wear a symbol that most hated and settled down on her belly with a sigh, it was unsightly, she had never felt self conscious about it before but now that she wanted to impress a male she felt it detracted from her beauty much like her chocolate muzzle.

Before Imani made her appearance that day, Simba was waiting rather impatiently. In the last several months, the rogue lioness had paid countless visits to the jungle. By now, he could practically feel it in the air, that the day would be a good one when Imani came around. Each time, Simba would excuse himself from his carefree trio of bachelors inexplicably, leaving them to feast without him for only a few hours at a time. The presence of his former pride mate was welcome, and he enjoyed Imani's company immensely, but it seemed to spark old memories that he did not care to revisit. He never shared his secret thoughts with Imani. They laughed, they joked. They had a good time, but the two rogues rarely discussed the past. Simba never brought it up, and avoided the subject expertly.

But in the same five months since finding each other, terrible nightmares had plagued the full grown lion. He could see his uncle's face, full of fury and shame for what the young prince had done in the gorge. Scar knew that Simba had killed his own father. It was only an accident, but the guilt had not faded. It consumed Simba while he slept, which made the nights unbearable, and he would do anything to distract himself during the waking hours. After so many years, he had never aired his feelings aloud. The past could not be changed. What good would it do? The lack of sleep made the lion snappy towards his male companions, and so his disappearance today was not missed.

A new scent on the breeze alerted Simba to her presence before he spotted her, and as always, he could not conceal his smile. But that day, something was off. Simba could not describe what was wrong, and he attributed it to his own wariness after another long, sleepless night. His excitement was tainted with a hint of anxiety, which he tried to suppress within himself. Simba knew, despite his feelings for the lioness, that he had nothing to offer Imani. He had no pride, no land. The lioness, however, had freedom in abundance. She certainly had no need for Simba, and yet she continued to return. There had to be a reason, but Simba would not allow himself to see it.

Finally, when Imani came into the clearing where he waited, Simba offered a cheeky grin. He didn't hesitate to hurry over to bump heads with his friend in greeting. "There you are! About time," he said jokingly. "It's still early, what do you want to do today? Swimming? Hunting?"

Imani grinned back at the lion in her usual understated way but moved forward to butt heads with Simba. "Oh well I can't run quite as fast through the branches as I can on the plains" she quipped back but was cowed by how eager he was. She cocked her head to the side in thought and made him wait, it was cute to see him so excited and she only smiled trying to keep herself from giggling at him so she didn't embarrass him.

"Maybe we can swim today and then hunt later if we get hungry, I don't have anywhere to be after all" she said and finally giggled. She suddenly threw herself at him to knock him into the water that was behind them, she thanked goodness that there was always pools of water and rivers in this place. She wasn't sure if he really had meant right away but she doubted it would hurt him and as she hit the water she let herself swirl underneath the water and enjoyed it before popping up to the surface.

Blue eyes searched the surface and she let out a haughty laugh, "I believe that is me one and big tough male lion zero!" she called out and paddled around some more. The water felt refreshing and it made her dusty coat shimmer like hot sand dunes, she had to admit she could get used to this swimming in cool water thing.

A short laugh was offered, and his eyes lit up when Imani returned his greeting gesture. "A likely excuse." In all of the months that had gone by, Simba had never strayed far from the oasis. It was always Imani coming to visit, and never vice versa. The jungle was comforting to the lion though. He felt safe there, and had no desire to leave the oasis if he didn't have to. At present, there was no one forcing him to do anything, and his hedonistic lifestyle prevailed.

Ears perked forward at the sound of the other's giggling, but before he had a chance to point it out, he found himself thrown into the water with a surprised cry. Simba, unlike most lions, had grown accustomed to water and swimming years ago, but the suddenness took his breath away and he surfaced with a gasp. Imani's head surfaced from the water in the same moment, and Simba cast her a feigned upset look. "One for you only because you cheated and caught me off-guard," he retorted with a childish tone before the laughter erupted.

There was nowhere else to be in the world, as far as the swimming pair were concerned. Their natal pride suffered from thirst, and they had water in abundance. The lost prince and the runaway were lucky to be free. There was seemingly nothing to stop them from lazing the day away, no duties or responsibilities to attend to. The life of a rogue was not so bad, and as Simba floated on his back, the worries of the world seemed too distant to matter. "This is the life. I hope things never change." But changes were looming, and destiny would soon catch up to the lion who had avoided it for so long. Simba looked towards his friend and grinned, feeling fortunate in that moment to have found such good company.

She gave him a disbelieving expression when he feigned being upset, he was such a faker, and he proved it when he suddenly laughed after calling her move no fair in a sense. She kicked out strongly over to where he floated on his back and rested there, she wasn't quite talented enough to be able to float on her back, she hadn't been swimming THAT long. Shes studied the completely relaxed look on his face while he floated there but when he spoke she felt her face shift slightly, her eyes darting down to the water and her reflection.

"There's nothing you'd change if you could?" she asked softly, she wasn't being specific but she could think of a few things. Going back to the Pridelands, maybe...finding a special someone to have cubs with, but there was no guarantee he even thought of her the way she did of him. She kicked out for the edge of the water and pulled herself up on the bank shaking the water from her fur but some of it still dripped and drooped despite her best effort. She smiled gently over at him and cleared her throat, "You wouldn't have a mate or anything?" she tossed out and gave him a nonchalant smile and laugh as though she was teasing him.

Really she wanted to know. If he had the chance would he want to have Nala at his side again, maybe take up his mantle as King? Sure their life was great, it was luxurious, with no strings attached, no king to answer too but it was hard sometimes. At least for her. She didn't always know when she would get her next meal or if she'd run afoul of another pride and get her hide torn into, it was a fine line between a good life and a hard one that she walked every day. He was a lucky one.

"No," he began to respond, but what Imani said next took Simba completely by surprise. She had climbed out of the water, but Simba floated carelessly a moment longer. When the lioness inquired if Simba would have a mate, the lion jolted. The liquid enveloped the brute for a second, and when he flailed to the surface again, he had inhaled a bit of water. He sputtered and coughed as he paddled to the ground, still choking. His deep brown eyes were wide with alarm, both for the unexpected question and his almost-drowning.

Once he had regained his breath, he shook the water from his fur, and it sprayed in every direction. Now the sheepish smile appeared, and Simba's eyes explored the muddy bank as if it were terribly fascinating. "I don't know," he responded hesitantly. "It's not really something I think about, to be honest." But this was not entirely true. His subconscious had haunted him about this very thing, but Simba was not one to admit. He had often dreamt of Nala and the life that had been determined for him at birth. The very idea of marrying his best friend had been repulsive at the time, but what child is keen to the notions of love and romance? By now, she was undoubtedly grown - if she had survived this long. Simba had never asked, for it would be too painful to learn the truth, if the worst had happened.

Simba felt awkward now. Why would Imani ask such a question? Since Zazu's suggestion many years ago that the two would one day be mates, young Simba had given the topic very little thought. Too much had happened since then. Mufasa had died not long after, and the hope of finding a companion in the jungle had been seemingly impossible. But could Simba ever abandon the life he loved in the jungle? After another moment of thought, the lion finally said quietly, "Not every lion is meant for that sort of thing." He began to groom his paw as casually as he could manage, but of course, his curiosity got the better of him. He had to know: "Why... do you ask?"

Imani's expression turned to alarm when Simba suddenly jolted and disappeared below the surface of the water, when he came to the surface he was coughing and spluttering with a panicked expression. He finally made it to the shore and settled himself in the mud, his eyes refusing to look up as he stared deeply at the ground, she felt her face fall at his reaction. She had hoped he wouldn't react this way, what was so bad about having a mate? They weren't youngsters anymore...at least she didn't feel that she was.

She had always known that Simba had a young soul but she had never let herself really focus on how childish he could be. His explanation about his thinking made her shift and her tail curled around her feet gently with disappointment but she didn't say anything. His next statement was yet again another barb and she cleared her throat trying to look casual as well, he had taken to grooming his own paws, "I don't believe that...love is always possible, anywhere you go and no matter who you are" she said softly and studied his muzzle. Did he think himself unworthy of a lionesses affection or was he just trying to let her down easy that he felt no attraction.

When he did ask why she'd asked she decided maybe it was best she find out directly and stood pushing her muzzle against his cheek. "I...I really like you Simba...I was just curiuos if maybe you liked me too" she loved him but she didn't want to say it just yet. Love complicated so many things and she had never found herself in love before. She pulled away from him suddenly and seated herself staring at the muddy bank now, "I...it's not like I want a family right now or anything, I just want time with you" she added quickly.

The mood in the oasis had shifted noticably, and the former prince could sense Imani's disappoint even before she spoke. His pulse quickened, but not in the enjoyful, exciting way that he had gotten used to around the lioness. How could anyone want, let alone love someone like him? Even Simba knew that he was a failure, and a coward. His confidence was nearly non-existent, but it was something he had learned to ignore over the years. It was easier to ignore circumstances and consequences with a full belly and nothing to do but lounge around. Now that something like this was thrust under his nose, the lion shifted uncomfortably.

Simba didn't want to be in this situation. Their friendship had been so carefree, so casual, but now he sensed there would be no going back. Feelings were bound to be hurt, for the idea of settling down was terrifying for the bachelor of the jungle. Fears confirmed, the lion's own tail flicked around erratically as he tried to think of a way to avoid it all. He was a master at avoidance, after all. "Well, sure. I mean, I like you and all. You're a lot of fun." Simba was undeniably immature, but not entirely naïve. He knew what like could turn in to, never guessing that such feelings had already been harbored within Imani. It was simply something Simba could not fathom. He had known love, years ago, before his father had died, but this was something entirely different; something the lion was not prepared to deal with.

A family was something Simba could not hope for. He didn't feel that he deserved it. Besides, a family was not conducive to the lifestyle he had grown so accustomed to; a lifestyle he believed that he loved. "I can't just leave. I just.. can't." He stood, and his head drooped low as he turned away from Imani, unable to meet her eye. "I don't expect you or anyone else to understand. Believe me, Imani. You're better off without a mess like me." And she couldn't remain in the jungle for longer than a few hours a time. Both of them knew that, and Simba did not bother to mention it again.

She was hopeful for a moment before he went on when he finally spoke up after avoiding her gaze, he liked her...as a friend. That's what he was trying to say wasn't it? She dropped her head but then lifted it again smiling and wincing, but when he gave her excuses she found herself unwilling to back down this time and she stood planting herself in front of him and lowered her head to push his own back up to make him look her in the eyes.

"How can I understand if you won't tell me Simba, why can't you leave? You're not a mess, you're just...you need to help me understand you. Tell me why you do this" she said and sighed softly. He always closed off when things ever got even slightly serious and out of love before she had never caused him grief but now she felt she had to get an explanation. He owed her one. Her heart ached and she gave him a wounded expression her blue eyes saddened, "You know you can tell me anything, I'd never judge you Simba..." she cajoled.

She didn't understand what made him so scared to open up to her, or anyone else for that matter. He never left the safety of his trees even though everyone would have been happy to see him back in the Pridelands, he head been presumed dead from the tragic accident that had killed Mufasa. What shame was there in surviving? She couldn't understand any of his logic unless he decided to explain it to her, was it simply that he didn't want to be King? Didn't want the responsibility of having to live up to his fathers standard or that he didn't want to take his position from Scar?

All of the gentle understanding and compassion were too much for Simba, who knew that he didn't deserve a lick of kindness. How could he possibly tell Imani that he had, in a sense, killed his own father? Sad brown eyes were forced to meet Imani's gaze, but he immediately jerk his head away and turned his back on the lioness again. Auburn mane fell unruly before his features, and he was glad, for his emotions threatened to get the better of Simba. He hated himself even more in that moment, but he could not share his heart and soul with the lioness from his past, despite her urgings.

He could never leave because he could not bring himself to return to the Pridelands, and deep down, Simba knew that's where he belonged. Running wild and free with Imani would not solve his troubles, just as hiding in the jungle was proving to be an ineffective cure. But the lion felt he owed it to his non-leonine friends to stay in the oasis, and his own uncertainty kept his stuck in the same place for years. It seemed not even Imani could drag Simba from his dark state of mind, and he thought back to the countless nightmares he had had since the two had found each other again. After a long pause, he simply shook his head. "I'm not doing anything," he finally remarked defensively. "This is my home now. Can't change that."

Yes, he was a coward, and he was hiding, and the longer Imani remained around to see it, the less she would care for the former prince. Unable to bear the thought that she would despise him if she knew the truth, he had inwardly decided she should instead hate him for running away. It was something Simba was an expert at, by now. "I-I really should be going. I need to clear my head." He had no other excuse to leave, and no longer any desire to stay. It was still too difficult to even look at the lioness, knowing how hurt and confused she would be. "I'm sorry, Imani. I'm sorry I'm not the lion you think I am. Maybe someday," he offered hopelessly as he began to walk away, head bowed.

Love was a far-away concept, lost as surely as the innocence of youth. And Simba did not deserve it.

Simba was changing right before the dune colored lionesses eyes and she didn't like it, something was wrong and he refused to tell her what. Or to even look at her for that matter as he jerked away as if she'd stung him when their gazes met briefly making her face twist into a shocked expression. When he turned his back on her completely she felt sadness overtake her features and she stood taking a step forward before pausing, unsure of his wish for her to be near anymore.

His tone was defensive when he snapped that he wasn't doing anything, but he was, it wasn't that she wanted him to leave his home. She would never ask him to do that for her but was it so bad that she wanted him to say he loved her? To think that one day he'd build the courage to introduce her to his friends and maybe bring her to live here as well? She felt foolish for thinking such things now and she ducked her head, for once she was ashamed of her own faith and wishful thinking. She searched the dirt with her blue eyes before sighing softly and looking up at him again when he announced he needed to clear his head.

He was running away.

She was just as confused and hurt as he feared but she tried to keep her expression even though her eyes showed the emotions just as clearly as day chased away shadows. "Simba, I love you. I have faith in you, I know you're the lion that I think you are, I just wish you could see him" she said softly but she knew it wouldn't change his mind. He didn't want her love, he didn't want her, she had lost a friend because of her inability to control her emotions and she felt terrible about it. She felt her eyes sting and took a few steps back, she didn't want tears to fall but she felt as if they must and she turned on her heel and sprinted from the jungle haven turned torture place.

Her feet carried her back to the golden grasses of the savannah where she dropped like a stone and buried her face in her paws. She had always thought herself to strong and mature but here she was crying like a lovestruck cub over a boy who didn't want her. But this was the first time she'd ever been in love and she had to admit that it hurt more than anything she'd ever felt, not even receiving her scar had hurt as much. She picked herself up and started on her way back to the Stronghold with tears still thickly coating her pelt, she couldn't just sit here, despite the pain she still had to survive. She had some thinking to do.

[Sorry if I ended this abruptly, I didn't think they had much more to say to each other. If you want me to edit though I can! ^^]